It's Happening Again...

So Guy F attempts to strike again. He almost got me, but I learn with each lesson. We went through the whole "I still love you. I'm still in love with you." conversation. But this time I didn't let it blind me. I didn't get caught up in it. Instead I told him how I felt, but I also explained that it means nothing. I told him that we should talk. I asked him to explain his side and how he felt. I can sum up his explanation for the way he treated me in five sentences: "I didn't want to be over-stressed. I deal with that at work. So, I dropped everything and acted like I didn't care. If we're not married it will just be the same thing over and over again. It's not like i'm coming home to you." Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

After hearing that I kindly explained to him (in words that I believe were far too nice) that he was full of shit. I began by explaining that he never took me into consideration. He was overwhelmed with work and our relationship, but he never talked to me. He just decided to drop everything like I meant nothing. Quite honestly, I feel that since he could drop everything so easily I didn't mean anything at all to him. So, how dare he comeback now and say he's still in love with me and that he misses me. In a relationship you are supposed to talk things through and make decisions together. One person can't make all of the decisions, drop the relationship, then try to pick it back up when it's convenient for them. 

And for him to not be able to deal with distance? The nerve of him! I dealt with him while he was in Japan. I told him we could work through our relationship when he cheated on me! I worked through every ounce of mistreatment that we faced! But he can't handle me staying home to finish school because he wants me there with him?!? He can kiss my ass. It's not enough that after I would graduate that I would be with him. Going everywhere with him, uprooting my entire life for him and his precious career in the military. Yet, he can't deal with letting me stay home and finish school. Like, he seriously can't grasp that finishing school would be my only accomplishment. I'm already getting my degrees for no reason. I wouldn't be able to use them because I would be going from place to place with him being his wife-in-tow.

So you could understand my being upset right now. How can one person be so selfish and self-centered? I really just don't understand.

And the worst part of it all? My mom sides with him...I mean taking into consideration what she said, I could be a little nicer. But I don't know. I just feel like I would already be sacrificing so much. Why can't I just have this one thing? She says I can finish college anywhere, but I worked hard to get into (and stay in) the college i'm at. My mom, though, she makes me feel like i'm being the selfish one. I mean everything for him is "in the now" he really doesn't have time to waste when I think about it. BUT, he won't talk to me neither. He has yet to respond to any of my messages, and i've sent plenty in reply to all he said to me. I just...I don't know what to do. My heart says "go get my missing piece" and my mind says "Finish school". I'm at a crossroads and I don't know which direction to take nor what directions I have to choose from (since he won't reply).

Well...I need to get some sleep guys.

Until next time...

-Signed,

Love