New Direction.

It's time to take this blog in a new direction. I believe that this blog has served it's purpose for now. I want to have a new fresh start. Therefore, I will be ending this blog and starting a new one. The new one will be about more than just my love life. I started this blog at a low point in my life. Not really low, but I was feeling down and needed an outlet. I no longer need that outlet. I no longer harbor those feelings I once did. While this blog has served me well over the past year, I feel that I need to take it to a new level. I need to expand on my writing. So I am starting a new blog. It will be basically the same format. I will still sign my posts the same way, but my posts will be more adverse now. They will have a range of many more topics than just my love life. I would try to just revamp this one, but the tone/mood is already set for it. So, I shall just leave it. Mostly as a reminder that I have been at my worst and that I actually can get through it. Maybe one day I will return to posting, but for now I will leave it as is. Okay guys. I''l see you on the flip side.

Here's the link for my new blog!

http://livinglifeinhope.blogspot.com/

See you guys there!

For the last time...

-Signed,

Love

This Whole "Relationship" Thing...

So...i'm beginning to wonder why we are together. It seems that the moment I said I would be his girlfriend, things changed drastically.  There's no fun in our relationship anymore. We're kinda just here. I go see him most days. We talk almost everyday. Currently, I am attempting to give us both time apart from each other. I'm hoping it will help. I haven't spoken with him all day and I haven't seen him since Sunday. We watched the World Cup together. I'm still kinda sad that Argentina lost. I was rooting for Messi. Anyway, it just seems like things have changed a lot. It could be because he is still recovering from his surgery or it could be because we finally made it official. Either way it's weird.

I think that in a way he sees that it has changed too. He asks me pretty often if I really do love him. I think he doubts the entire thing now. Like he's second guessing his decision. Or maybe he's scared. Maybe he thinks he is more invested than I am. I don't think he is though. I think we're pretty equal in investment. I love him. I'm not sure about our future though. I think I now have the fears that he had beforehand. I don't know where we'll end up or if we'll last. I'm not saying I doubt my feelings. No, it's never that. I just doubt our future. We're both kind of at a stand still in life. We're both at that point where we don't know what's next. I know what I want, but I don't know how to achieve it yet. I'm still figuring my life out.

I mean things aren't bad. They are actually pretty great. It's just weird. I guess i'm backwards. I finally get the guy and now I feel weird. He treats me wonderfully. We're pretty great together, but that may be the problem. We don't have problems. I mean we've had one major fight, but we talked about it and fixed it. We came to an agreement. Or maybe the problem is that he is always trying to change for me. I don't want to change him. I know the whole "A man will only change for who he loves" thing, but I want him to be like he has always been. Sometimes it feels like he thinks he's walking on eggshells with me. I just want us to be us again. No weirdness. Ehh, I don't know. We'll see how this turns out. It hasn't even been a month yet..

Until next time...

-Signed,

Love

It's Official! I Have A Boyfriend =) And I Have Always Loved Him Dearly

So guess who's official!?!?! That's right, Guy E and I. I never thought it would happen again since he was so indecisive, but we're actually in a pretty good and stable relationship. I'm actually pretty happy. Things are going pretty well. We get along great. We are a normal functioning couple, and I think we may both actually be in love with each other. It is freaking amazing. Just when I was beginning to think I needed to try to find someone who actually wanted a relationship, I got him. I don't know what it is, but he's changing. He sees a future with me. He wants me in his life. I think we're building something amazing and I hope it works out for us. I love him. So much. He has always been the one constant in my life. No matter what happens we always find a way back to each other whether we're just friends or not. So it kind of makes sense...in a way lol

So...what happened?

The day I got back from Spain I went to see him. He had been whining about me leaving him for 8 weeks. He missed me badly. I made him wait until I had dinner with one of my close friends. I saw him pretty late, but I saw him. I was with him for nearly 6 hours. He was so happy to see me. He grabbed me and gave me a huge hug. And the kiss...oh the kiss...it was amazing! It was one of those "Oh my goodness I missed you so much let me eat your face!" kisses. It was pretty damn good. He just held me and wouldn't let me go. He stared at me for what seemed like forever just smiling and thinking to himself. I remember once I looked at him, and I tried to look away but he turned my face back towards him. He made sure I was looking at him directly in his eyes and he told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too, but I was shocked. He was acting weird. He was acting different and I didn't know why. A few minutes later he said he wanted to ask me something. I didn't think anything of it. I thought he wanted to know about my trip or if I would get him some water. No, instead he asked if we could be in a relationship. My mind took a complete blank. I could not even believe it. This guy whom I knew for a fact was afraid of commitment was making one to me! I guess while I was away something clicked for him. Like, he just knew that it was me. I told him yes. I was so happy, but I didn't show it. I just smiled. I actually wanted to scream and kiss him and tell him how much I loved him and had been waiting for that moment.

Later, after I got home he text me. He apologized for taking so long to realize that he wanted me. He said he still doesn't know what he wants in the future, but right now he wants me to himself and I can have him to myself. It made me so happy. like, have I told you guys how much I love this man? He doesn't have to know what he wants in the future. We can figure that out together. I know many of you may think i'm crazy for saying yes after everything that has happened with him or because he took so long. Yet to me, it shows that he put real thought and effort into his decision. It wasn't just on a whim. It lets me know that he is serious about us. Just as serious as I am. And so far everything has been going great. So, I'm happy. I hope you guys can be happy for me. Maybe I have finally made the right decision for once, and just maybe this may be the guy I marry one day. Wish me luck.

Until next time...

-Signed,

Love