Just Keep Swimming

So peoples...I have given up on one endeavor and started on a new one. I must say, this new guy is pretty sweet. I like talking to him and getting to know him. We've decided to start spending more time together outside of everyday social settings. It sounds pretty decent, but we shall see how it goes. I can't say that i'm really hoping for anything in particular. I'm trying not to get my hopes up (nor put all my eggs in one basket) just in case. Everything has been going pretty great for me so far. I must say I am pretty happy right now. Happier than I have been in the past few months. Hopefully I can keep this good balance of things in my life that I have going on right now. I haven't really had to deal with much stress this semester. I honestly can't really complain. I have even been keeping a decent friendship going with my ex (Guy F).

I have learned not to dwell on things from the past. It took a little while, but I finally learned. I feel like I am continuing my growth as a person. I know stressful events will come and go, but I have really learned to just keep pushing through. I have more faith in myself than I used to, and I have a better concept of hope.  I used to say hope and dreams were stupid. Now though, I see it differently. Hopes and dreams are just a means to reaching your goals. So like Dory said "Just keep swimming!" [This is my mantra for now and always! Lol.] Well that's a tid bit of how my life is going right now..

Oh yeah..i'm going on a trip soon! Woo hooo! That mini-vacation will be uberly exciting and fun! Well this is all I have for now. I will write again soon. I promise!

Until next time....

-Signed,

Love

Totally Saw It

You guys...I totally saw it. Dude definitely likes me. It was written all over his face and in his eyes. Read him like a book. Now I just gotta figure out how to handle this situation. Decisions...the evil of everyday life.

I kinda want to say something, but then again I kinda want to see how it will play out. Maybe it will be good for me. I never know. I need to start making myself open to more options.

[A few days later...]

Okay, so last week I definitely thought I saw the attraction. This week i'm not so sure. It's like I see it, but i'm not sure who else dude is after. I don't do the whole fighting for attention thing. Either you're interested or you're not. Regardless though, I have decided to friend zone him in a major way. I don't care how attracted to him I am. I can't do it. We can be just friends. We have pretty good conversations. I can deal with that.  I don't want him. I just like talking to him. There's an attraction,  but it's not all that serious.

Although, we did have a drunk texting session where he hinted at a possible inkling of feelings for me. He was just too nervous to ask.  He said he wasn't drunk enough to ask. Shame. I would have liked to known what he was thinking..

So, that is said and done. I will post again later.  I have been doing some deep thinking and have come to a few conclusions.

Until next time...

-Signed,

Love

Inner Battles

So I Facebook stalk myself alot, but only to look at my pictures. I am not very confident in myself. I don't feel pretty. I mean some people think i'm pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. but personally, I don't feel like i'm all that. I don't think I look that great. I mean sure, I'm pretty decent, but nothing to fawn over. I really hate when people do that. I'm a regular person just like them. I guess this goes back to when I was younger and all everyone ever said about me was how pretty I was at the time. Ehh, it's complicated. You would think that with all the compliments I get I could keep a decent boyfriend. NOPE.

My inability to keep a decent boyfriend has also somewhat contributed to this. With every break-up, every rejection I always wondered if it was me. Was I not pretty enough? Was I not good enough? I always tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I figured that I had to be the problem if every guy I dated treated me the same way. Every guy always had another girl on the side. So I always thought I did something wrong. There was something about me that drove guys to treat me that way.

That's how I USED to think.

Now, now I just feel that guys make dumb decisions and my Mr. Right is still somewhere lost as am I. I hope we find each other soon.

Until next time...

-Signed,

Love

Update on Friendship

I lied. I think I just want to keep things at friendship level. We will be better off as friends. What I thought were old feelings may not have been feelings. Or maybe they were? Either way, I am not pursuing anything with my ex. I am content with just being his friend from a distance and checking up on him. I need to move on with my life. There are so many other better guys out there. I need to stop limiting myself to this one. 

On the other hand I am glad that I mustered up the courage to talk to him. It really helped me. I can't exactly explain how, but I feel better. I don't want another relationship with him. I do not want to repeat what we had, but I do like to know how he is doing. So, a friendship it shall remain. I'm hoping the friendship isn't strained or forced. I just want it to kind of float back to how it was before we dated. We were great friends. I hope we can have that again.

As much as I would love to continue this post, I am extremely tired and I need to go to sleep. I will post more later though. I promise. I have two things I need to write about, and whatever else pops up tomorrow.

Until next time....

-Signed,

Love