So...day...misery...yeahh...it didn't go exactly how I wanted it to go. As much as I would have loved to finally sit down and talk to Guy F about our situation, it didn't happen. I can't let him run over me. He'll never respect me if I don't make him. He treats me like shit because I let him. I have to stop letting my kindness and my feelings for him be my weakness. I need to stand my ground. I have a rough draft guys. I'm going to wait until Sunday to send it though. Yes, i'm being a weakling and giving him extra time. I know I suck at standing my ground. But here it is:
"At times I swear you're avoiding me. But whatever...I think we need to stay friends. I'm tired of letting you run over me. I was actually going to try to work things out with you, but then reality hit me. You can't say you want me in your life and you want to marry me then still treat me like some second hand option. I tried to talk to you. I tried. It's always me trying and getting my feelings hurt. Well i'm over it. I'll be your friend. You haven't showed me that you're sincere about anything you said in that message. I actually believed you too. I’m done letting you hurt my feelings. I’ll always be your friend, but I can’t let you hurt me anymore. I just can’t. If you could feel even a fraction of what I felt you would’ve given up a long time ago. You probably wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I hope you find someone you can actually treat like they need to be treated. Clearly it’s not me. I still love you, but I think I’m done for good this time. Idk what else to do.."
Yeah...I wanna say i'm not sure how it's going to go, but i'm pretty sure I won't get any response. Same as usual. I guess when it all comes down to it I still have my scissors to cut my hair. They never fail me. They never leave me. Strange? Maybe, but it's just something that makes me feel better about myself. New me equals new beginning, right? Ehh, don't worry too much. I've only ever seriously chopped my hair off twice now. Once in my freshman year of college and today. Today mostly because I had dead ends but either way it felt great. Plus, I like short hair. Okay, i'm getting of topic. Back to business.
So I was going to be too nice and still tell him we could work on it. UNTIL, it was brought to my attention that if he really cared about me that much he would have made time for me. If I was indeed the person he wanted to marry I would be treated as family, shown some respect, and given some time. Which I have not been. Clearly he's not ready for this. I honestly deserve way better than what he half pissed-assedly [yes, it is a word for now] gives me. I can do better. Will I do better? That's questionable. I am prepared to live my life lonely and surrounded by puppies. I already have my single life all planned out. Haha...yeah i'm a little dramatic, but I feel that it is a very strong possibility. Just saying. Well I have to get ready for a movie now. I'll probably post again before I go to sleep.
Until next time...
-Signed,
Love
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