So I have a problem. This new guy i'm seeing- he's basically perfect. The problem? I hate being put second before anything. It's not his fault. He needs to study. I understand that. I support that 100%, but I don't like it. It annoys me and pisses me off to no ends. Why? I don't know for sure, but I think it has something to do with my last relationship. I hated having to come second (and sometimes third) to absolutely everything. I don't know, being made to come second to stuff kind of brings back that feeling of not being wanted. Like i'm being tossed to the side, because he's bored. I know with all my heart that this has nothing to do with nor does it pertain to this new guy in any kind of way, but the feeling is still there. It scares me and it hurts. I can't help it.
I am also pretty nervous around him. I have very low confidence, sadly. Take for example today..I wanted to talk to him about where this thing with us is really going. I mean we haven't officially made any decisions. We just hang out and talk to each other a lot. Nothing serious. I want to know what he expects/wants out of it. My confidence level peaked 10 minutes after I told him I wanted to talk. It has now been 4+ hours since then and he still expects me to want to talk. I have no desire whatsoever to talk to him now. I have no confidence. I don't know what to say. I don't know how he will react/respond. I am not prepared for this.
Until next time...
-Signed,
Love
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