It's Not Simple

Two songs come to mind when I think about Guy F: "Thing Called Us" by Hamilton Park and "Can You Stand The Rain" by New Edition. They just instantly come to mind when I think about the situation. It's not easy to just let the situation go. I'm really contemplating everything. Although, everything is telling me to stay away and keep what little peace I have left. But I feel like if I ignore it again, eventually, a few months from now we will be right back at this very point. We can't stay away from each other. It's like we're drawn to each other like magnets.

I remember a couple posts back when I posted about Dear John and how I did not want to become like the characters in that movie. Well guess what's happening anyway...bleehh. I guess at some point we both have to stop being so pig headed and figure out our problem and (effectively) deal with it. I don't know. I guess after a while of us always running back to one another, you start to think that maybe (just maybe) you're meant to be, right? I mean there has to be a reason for the constant returning to square one thing. There has to be. There's no other explanation. Unless we're both just stupid. Neither of our feelings ever changes for the other. We simply ignore them. How can I be so sure, you ask? I asked him how he felt. I asked him if his feelings ever faded or died down. I asked if he still loved me or in love with me? (There is a difference, ya know.) The feelings are still there. Everything is still there, except for us. We're at two different places. Two different mind processes. Two different levels. We don't understand each other, and I don't think we really try to either. I don't understand, but I am tired of trying. Anytime I try I get nothing but silence. So why do we ever even bother with putting our feelings out into the open for each other? What's the point? I just honestly can't even begin to fathom an understanding. Maybe our problem is communication. And stubbornness. Definitely stubbornness. I am willing to work on it though. I just never know what to say nor how to say it.  I wish he would just talk to me. Tell me something. I'm always left with nothing and just when I decide to drop it, it all comes back. The cycle has to end at some point right?

Okay I could write forever, but I really need to get my homework done now.

Until next time...

-Signed, 

Love