Let's face it. I'm still miserable. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it. This guy consumes every ounce of my thoughts. The "What if" thoughts, the "I need to move on" thoughts, just every single thing you could possibly imagine. I feel pitiful that this still consumes me. I mean it's not as bad, but it's still there. That's my problem.
The amount of stupidity I feel for still being hung up on this cannot be described. It eats away at me, but I cannot help it. I feel like one of those crazily obsessed girls who can't move on because they're too involved and emotionally attached. Like seriously, how do you fix it? I mean of course you somewhat get over it and accept/realize that it's over and done with, but you can never really just get rid of the feeling. The emotions. They stay with you, and that sucks. It sucks so much. To top it all off, I don't even really necessarily want him back. I just always think about what if and what I think should have been.
I'm not even entirely sure that I want it per se. I just want to know what could have been. Yeah, I know. That will be my downfall. It's true. It will be, and it has been thus far. It just eats away at me. I mean I have somewhat moved on. I have Guy E. He's the sweetest guy I could hope for and I love him more than I let on. He's wonderful. I could easily be with him for the rest of my ever, but I right now I still have that "what if" in the back of my mind.
I should get over it eventually, right? It will just disappear one day on its own. I will just forget. Well not necessarily forget, but it won't bother me anymore. I will be fully and 100% over it. That will be a great day. I think what I mostly need right now is a distraction. A very good distraction. Or a change. Yeah a change...
While I brainstorm on a change to make, I will also get ready to run my errands for the remainder of the day. I will post again soon. I promise!
Until next time...
-Signed,
Love
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