So when I got off work Friday, I was checking my phone and saw I had a facebook message. I assumed it was from the person I usually always facebook message every day. Wrong. It was my ex, Guy F, saying he accepted my apology. The apology I made a couple of weeks ago for being mean to him. He also made it clear to me that he was in town for the weekend. I figured that since he was throwing the fact that he was home for the weekend in the message that he wanted to see me. Call me overzealous or too nice, either way I told him we could go to lunch if he wanted. He said it was fine with him. I asked for specifics, like time, place,all that good stuff. He said it was up to me, gave me total control over the situation like he didn't want to overstep his boundaries. At the time it was weird that he was being so compliant, but I understand now. Anyways, as soon as we set up the specifics, I regretted my decision to try to be nice and oblige his desire to see me. Now let's skip to the actual lunch thing which was the next day (Saturday) at 1pm...
When he got to the place I didn't wave, say hi, smile nor anything. I kind of waited for him to get out of his car. Then we went inside. I ordered my food, then he ordered his food. We barely talked before we sat down. When we did sit down we had a few moments of awkward silence. Then we slowly began an awkwardly forced somewhat conversation. The conversation was basically him telling me about his life so far. He told me he has to get surgery and that he gets deployed in March. I was surprised to hear these things while he was telling me, but I tried not to show any facial expressions.It seemed as though he was paying very close attention to me while telling me these things, searching for a glimpse that I still care I suppose. Other than that, he could barely look at me. I tried to talk to him,but I was very uncomfortable and I don't know why. He could barely look at me and I didn't want to spend too much time looking at him either.
Needless to say, it wasn't the best decision i've made in my life. There's definitely still some kind of tension between us. On another note. Today as I was contemplating everything that transpired (and didn't transpire) between us, something clicked: He's getting deployed in March. Now a close friend of mine told me that you usually find out a year to six months in advance that you're being deployed. Think about it...the timeline works perfectly with when he started pushing me away and ignoring me. Now this is only a hypothesis, but it is a very plausible and good hypothesis. Upon realizing that he deploys in March, I feel like he started pushing me away. Solely focusing on deployment. Trying to keep me away from the worrying and everything that comes with deployment. Now I won't know this for sure unless I ask him, but it all makes sense. Perfect sense. It explains why he couldn't look at me, why he treated me so badly. I'm telling you guys..it is a very perfect explanation to everything. Perfect, but I have yet to find out if any of it is true.
Of course,this doesn't mean I necessarily want him back. I just kind of want to know if that is the reason why. Alas, I have to go you guys. I need to wash my hair.
Until next time....
-Signed,
Love
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