You guys....that motto used to hold so much significance for me. I lived by those words. Those words were what carried me daily. They meant more than you could ever imagine to me. Now? Now, they hurt. They are a constant reminder that we actually got weaker with every day. One day closer to it all falling through.
Now when I see the other girls basically eating those words, living and breathing by them, I just kind of feel out of place. Don't get me wrong. I have come to respect and appreciate those girls as if they were my own family, but being in the midst of everything that they still have just makes me feel worse. I don't want to be apart of it anymore. I want distance. Distance from everything that is military. Distance from everything that reminds me of him.
I need to withdraw from it all. Clean myself up. I need to go back to regular old me. The one who can go through a break up and survive. The one who doesn't dwell on fantasies and what could have been's. I don't know how to get there. I don't know where to start. Talking to a new guy probably won't help, but gosh they are so tempting. I think the temptation lies within the fact that I would temporarily forget. Or maybe I am just searching for a replacement. Someone to fill the void. Give me back that feeling.
Oh great....now I am in search of a feeling that I will probably never get back. Each love is different. Each relationship and the emotions experienced are different. I believe that with everything in me. So, why am I in search of something I will never find again? I have got to be the most confused and confusing person ever.
Well I have finally come to the conclusion that something is wrong with me and I have issues! Okay. I need to write this paper. I will post again very soon!
Until next time...
-Signed,
Love
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