So...I told him that I wanted nothing more to do with him. I thanked him for talking to me and told him to have a nice life. Although, somewhere deep down inside of me I just feel like he will still haunt my dreams. Like, my feelings are all over the place. I don't want to put him out of my life, but at the same time I feel that it's best. I still have some feelings for him that I don't want to have. My feelings are hurt and I don't want them to be.
I think my problem is that I had so many expectations for him and he didn't fulfill any of them. He was a disappointment. I expected too much. I expected him to be more than the others. Different. That was my fault, and it was my only fault. You can't make someone be what you want them to be.
While talking to him I expected the worse. I expected him to not care. I was prepared for that. I was not prepared for the "I miss you" route. Not at all. Neither was I prepared for his excuses. I should have been, but I wasn't. Contacting him opened a can of worms that I wasn't ready to open and that I wish I had kept closed. It probably would have been best for us both.
He acted like he had so much remorse and felt so bad for how he treated me. I know he didn't. If he had, he would have contacted me first. Not the other way around. As I sit here thinking about it all, I realize just how awful he was for/to me. I could definitely probably do better. If I ever feel up to the grueling task of seriously dating again.
Anyways, back to the subject matter at hand. I've removed him from my life- or at least I told him I wanted nothing to do with him. I'm still trying to figure out if it was a lie. I mean, in all honesty, I only said it because I felt like he was never going to reply to my message. So I felt no need to continue waiting for one only to get my hopes up for nothing.
Well I have to run some errands and go to work. I'll try to post again later.
Until next time...
-Signed,
Love
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