So...i'm beginning to wonder why we are together. It seems that the moment I said I would be his girlfriend, things changed drastically. There's no fun in our relationship anymore. We're kinda just here. I go see him most days. We talk almost everyday. Currently, I am attempting to give us both time apart from each other. I'm hoping it will help. I haven't spoken with him all day and I haven't seen him since Sunday. We watched the World Cup together. I'm still kinda sad that Argentina lost. I was rooting for Messi. Anyway, it just seems like things have changed a lot. It could be because he is still recovering from his surgery or it could be because we finally made it official. Either way it's weird.
I think that in a way he sees that it has changed too. He asks me pretty often if I really do love him. I think he doubts the entire thing now. Like he's second guessing his decision. Or maybe he's scared. Maybe he thinks he is more invested than I am. I don't think he is though. I think we're pretty equal in investment. I love him. I'm not sure about our future though. I think I now have the fears that he had beforehand. I don't know where we'll end up or if we'll last. I'm not saying I doubt my feelings. No, it's never that. I just doubt our future. We're both kind of at a stand still in life. We're both at that point where we don't know what's next. I know what I want, but I don't know how to achieve it yet. I'm still figuring my life out.
I mean things aren't bad. They are actually pretty great. It's just weird. I guess i'm backwards. I finally get the guy and now I feel weird. He treats me wonderfully. We're pretty great together, but that may be the problem. We don't have problems. I mean we've had one major fight, but we talked about it and fixed it. We came to an agreement. Or maybe the problem is that he is always trying to change for me. I don't want to change him. I know the whole "A man will only change for who he loves" thing, but I want him to be like he has always been. Sometimes it feels like he thinks he's walking on eggshells with me. I just want us to be us again. No weirdness. Ehh, I don't know. We'll see how this turns out. It hasn't even been a month yet..
Until next time...
-Signed,
Love
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